Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
