Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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