She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
