u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
