we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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