It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
