i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
