I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
