instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
