Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Randomize