since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
