i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wear drunk well.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
