the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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