After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
