Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
