first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
