your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
