Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
