So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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