You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
