sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
