No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize