omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
