3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
