my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
