I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
