i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
