dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
