I'm so fucking centered right now
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
