I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
