At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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