I think I died a long time ago.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
