please come you make the beer taste better
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
