yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
