He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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