I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
