Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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