You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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