I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
