it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
