how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
