I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
