Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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