I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i barfeds in our rink
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
