Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize