Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
