i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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