the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Quick, to the slutcave!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize