girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
