He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
