Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
