she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
