ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
