you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Damn victory sex feels great
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
