Got a toothbrush?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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