Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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