He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
