Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize