Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
