Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
