is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They have beer where we have blood.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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