Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
even my farts smell like vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
