You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
