Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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