Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
