Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
