You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
