you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
