Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
