I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
