U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
