Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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