yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
