Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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