I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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