Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
