1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
