I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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