So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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