So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize