Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
