no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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