Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
